LA CADERA DE EVA

Why does he look for you and then leaves you "seen"?

Why do some men initially go after a woman and then they go?

  • DIANA JUÁREZ
  • 01/07/2020
  • 13:30 hrs
  • Escuchar
Why does he look for you and then leaves you seen?
Why does he look for you and then leaves you "seen"? (Photo: Pexels)

From one moment to the next, he stopped writing to you as before.

You have a new admirer or just started a relationship, and suddenly he stopped talking or is no longer writing to you as he used to. You wonder: what's going on?

Mostly, it's men who pursue the game of "conquering" and disappear as "Don Juanes." They stop talking to you and leave you thinking that you did something wrong or did not do enough for him to be with you.

This absence and indifference is a form of manipulation, says Coral Herrera, an expert in romantic love, who through her podcast Enjoy love she addresses this and other issues.

Read: Extended working hours in times of covid-19 fear or power

Why do you enjoy making women suffer for love?

In the episode, Why do you enjoy making women suffer for love? Coral Herrera explains that playing with our emotions is a form of control by the male sex.

Men who believe in gender roles, where power and control predominate in a patriarchal structure, control women by playing with their emotions. Corral explains that in an increasingly free society where women can choose motherhood and with whom to have it, even be independent, "the falling in love stage" is the only resource men have.

Read: Six "romantic" behaviors that are toxic

The honeymoon

The honeymoon stage occurs in relationships that can last two days, a week, two or three months, even up to a few hours. It can be a strategy to have sex. Throughout history, women have been led to believe that they can only have sex when being in love. The tactics some men use are to talk about a future together and lift our ego. "As Virginia Woolf said, the only way to see twice the size of a man is to fall in love," said Herrera. The suitors begin to speak of "when we become a couple," "when we have children," "the house." But this does not happen if we fall in love. It's not like that.

They also compare us with the others: "you are different from the rest."


Let's not let them separate us and promote that we are a competition; this exchange only weakens us as women. Since they have us hooked, they disappear or are more absent and make us believe we are crazy.

Emotional corpses

They use these resources to be with another person or to control. They make us believe that we are jealous or give us an excuse that they have a lot of work. The only thing they generate in us is psychological instability and insecurity, leaving emotional corpses. For this reason, many women fear falling in love again or loyalty to a man.

Sometimes we hesitate to express ourselves. However, "when we don't protest, we feel like we're betraying ourselves, and we're not taking care of ourselves," says Herrera.

She invites us to reflect on how we are feeling and if we are having a good time, but the best thing is to break that relationship.

As a revolutionary act, Herrera recommends, we should leave men who enjoy making women suffer alone. They should be left alone until they question how they should relate better.

"Men are not motivated to change because they are millions of women desirous of romantic love. "Because if it is not me, it will be another one," Herrera says. If men's agendas were empty, that is, there were no ex or any woman available they would think about how they can better relate to women, horizontally and from you to you.


It is we as women who must know what relationship we want and identify these "sadistic" men who take advantage of our fear of loneliness. Herrera recommends that we relate to men who are willing to love and do not see relationships as war.

If you want to read in spanish click here

Traducción: Valentina K. Yanes